When Grief Calls Forth The Healing

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How do you survive and heal the loss the person closest to you? A spouse, a sibling, a twin?

Healing does not mean forgetting the person who has died. It means forming a new relationship to that person and being able to lead a new and meaningful life.



October 14, 2015:
Please mark your calendars for Wednesday, October 21st at 12:15 pm (ET) for a Livestream of my speech, “Exploring Twin Bereavement: What it Has to Tell Us About Grieving and Deep Personal Loss,” to be given at the Columbia University School of Social Work.

July 22, 2015:
Here are two poems by Mary Oliver that I love and that have been personally sustaining in my deepest, most challenging and saddest transitions:

The Journey
By Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice –
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Wild Geese
By Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

January 16, 2015:
Rafael Pi Roman and I discuss the disappearance of Michael Rockefeller, the importance of the grieving process and the perpetual strength of the twin bond. The interview is now posted on the MetroFocus webcast. Click HERE to view.

October 16, 2014:
In a recent Huffington Post piece, I write about the deeply ingrained fear that can prevent us from grieving and why we must trust and embrace our grief in order to find a new relationship to our loved one and be able to open our hearts to new beginnings. Click HERE to read the full text on the Thoughts page.

© 2014 Mary R. Morgan